How this affects the other really depends on where the other is, not only in relationship to you, but also in terms of personal evolution: someone who likes you but is, in turn, insecure or fearful, might take the rejection personally and shut you out in return; or they might not be all that aware of it, but unwittingly they will keep their distance and not offer to help you out, thinking they would probably just get in your way. So they leave you alone because they don’t want to be in your face.
If they’re a bit more attuned to you or to their own emotions, they may choose to consciously overlook your signals. Their compassion is more likely to recognize where you’re coming from and they will offer you help in stead of allowing you to push them away. Depending on your response (grateful acknowledgment or rebuttal) they will either do that again the next time – or learn to ignore you!
Now, all of this seems to be about ‘them’ and where they are, but in reality of course it’s about what you radiate and what they, consciously or unconsciously, pick up on. The aspects of consciousness that are doing the talking here, are your respective Kus.
The Ku is your subconscious and it is very much aware of you and everything about you! By the same token, it is aware of everything around you and even though your Lono (your conscious mind) may not pick up on all the signals, your ku will know when something’s wrong.
One thing that is really useful to know, is that the ku does not differentiate between what it feels. If you’re really angry over something and I pick up on your anger, then my ku has no way of knowing what it is you’re angry at. If Lono does not provide me with a reasonable alternative, my ku will simply assume that you’re angry with me. This, btw, is why empaths struggle with identifying whose feelings they’re even feeling: their own or someone else’s! Their kus are very much attuned to everything that goes on around them and they pick up on stuff that their lono is not always interpreting correctly for them.
In the case of the ku picking up what wasn’t really meant for them, you can clearly see this in young children or in animals. They will not approach someone who radiates anger, even if that person isn’t angry with them. They will instinctively steer clear, because the ku’s main motivation is ‘Pleasure’ and being around someone who’s angry (with you), is not pleasant at all. They may approach that person, trying to appease them, but that will be a result of their lono telling them that this is what they should now do.
The thing is: for the ku it makes no difference if you’re really angry with yourself or with someone else. It’s the anger ku picks up on and it’s anger it responds to. Or love. Or frustration. Or joy… In short: any emotion is picked up by the ku and interpreted as ‘about him’ – unless Lono interferes and decides it’s about something else.
So if you’re shutting me out because you are in a bad way, then my LONO may understand that you’re really screaming for help! Now, even assuming I like you and would gladly helply: if I’m not given to that kind of introspection, I will merely pick up on your annoyance and stay out of your hair.
It is very likely that, in turn, your ku will pick up on the fact that I’m letting you stew – and you will feel rejected in return. If your lono doesn’t offer the explanation that, eh, maybe that other person was actually responding from their ku to yours, then you’re going to feel worse than you already did. And the next time you will see me, the layer of resentment caused by your sense of rejection, will drive me away even faster, proving to you that I’m an unkind person and not worthy of your trust.
This circle is, obviously, endless. But it’s merely a pattern and it can be broken without too much effort. And the first step it requires, is that YOUR LONO starts understanding the dynamics. That you sit back and go: “You know, that actually makes perfect sense! No wonder they’re not coming forward! I haven’t really been very inviting in my energy, I haven’t really encouraged them in any way, In fact, I’ve kinda shut them out! Sure, I thought they deserved it, because can’t they see I need help? But still…”
Now, the only trick is this: EVEN IF THEY STARTED IT, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO END IT.
That is all it takes. Maybe you picked up on their unwillingness to help that one time that you asked, because, I don’t know, maybe it just wasn’t convenient at that precise moment. Or maybe they needed a moment to change gears. So maybe they did indeed send out that first signal of rejection. But the chance of them even being aware of that is actually much smaller than you would think. Most people are not aware of what they radiate – or how their energy might be interpreted by others.
So really the only thing you need to break the pattern, is a willingness to break the pattern. And you can achieve that with a single breath:
Take a deep breath, but don’t hold it. It’s not about the ‘inhale’, it’s about the ‘exhale’. As you exhale that deep breath, let it be a sigh. A deep sigh. And with that sigh, you express that willingness. “Alright then. Okay! I’ll play!”
Feel into that, feel into this new sensation. Play with it. Exhale a couple of times if you want. And when you begin to feel the essence of that breath, make it more deliberate: connect your breath with your intention: “I’m ready for this change.”
And when you’re ready, connect the ‘release’ and the ‘willingness’ with the thing you were letting go off: the Unconscious Rejection – the way in which your ku was telling others to leave you alone, even though you really would much rather accept their help and their support. And with your next exhale, start welcoming that support.
And if that step is too big, that’s fine: then keep working on your willingness to release the unintentional rejection. Because you are connected to all the people in your life. And when you unlock them from the patterns in which you keep each other hostage, things change.
Unlocking them sets them free and when they’re free, their ku will start making them move towards pleasure. Helping others is very pleasurable for almost everyone!
You can read more about the ku and the three aspects of consciousness here.
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